She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
