Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
