I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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