Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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