Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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