cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
