I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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