We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just gift wrapped bread.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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