I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
