If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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