ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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