everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
