Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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