Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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