Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The adults are the big ones right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
