You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The power of my boobs compel you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
