i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
