census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
