On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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