woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
