Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
