I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
