im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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