I think my vagina is haunted
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
