Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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