woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
