My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
