so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dignity is for republicans.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
