Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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