So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
no, he came in my armpit
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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