U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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