After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
