I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
