Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
