D3 body, D1 cock
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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