took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
