You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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