how can u be prego again
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
