I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
3 2 1 whiskey
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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