If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
