Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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