I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
