nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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