He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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