i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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