this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
