Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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