I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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