new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
