Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
