i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
