she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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