Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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