Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
jump out the window naked night went bad
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
