My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
